Why people don't know what they want anymore

Today I conduct conversations and treatments with people, and what you see isn't that they lack desire, but that they've been so disconnected from themselves for so long that they no longer recognize what's theirs. It's as if that inner compass has simply gone silent. And then, instead of living their own lives, they start living through others. Caring for others becomes their purpose, control becomes security, solving other people's problems becomes a substitute for their own movement. From the outside it looks like they're active and engaged, but inside there's no real progress.

With the woman I'm talking to, it's crystal clear. She no longer exists as the center of her own life, but as a function for others. When you ask her what she wants for herself, her system seems not to even understand the question. She immediately turns to others—to their safety, to making sure they're okay, to helping them understand something. That's not desire; it's fear masquerading as concern. If they're okay, she's at peace. If they're not, she loses her sense of control and becomes anxious. Her inner peace depends on other people's lives. I asked her ten times what she wanted, emphasizing that she exclude others from her answer, and she simply couldn't.

We existed before others

And here we come to a very important thing that I said: it existed even before them. Most people never stop and really look at that question. Who am I without a partner, without children, without the role of savior, without needing to be needed by someone? When you bring them to that point, silence falls. Not because there are no answers, but because it's a part of them they haven't touched in a long time. It's as if it's buried under all those roles they've taken on.

When a relationship is not a choice but a necessity

You see the same thing with couples who are constantly fighting. They're not together because they know what they want to build, but because they don't know who they are without that relationship. They need a mirror, they need dynamics, they need drama to feel alive. And when you ask them what they want as individuals, there's no answer. Because their relationship didn't arise from a clear desire, but from need, insecurity, and habit.

The problem is that people think they're living their lives, but in reality they're just maintaining roles. A parent who lives through their children, a partner who controls their partner, a person who helps everyone but never stops to look at themselves. And the years go by, and there's no real progress inside. Only a feeling of fatigue and frustration that intensifies over time.

And when I ask them what they want for themselves, they don't know either. They've forgotten. They're immersed in the relationship and mistakenly believe that, even though the relationship defines them too much, they'll be able to help each other discover who they are. Our system isn't designed that way. No one can give us ourselves.

They don't feel like they have themselves or their own desires, so they go around in circles. Their problem isn't the other person but the frustration that arises when we don't have a sense of self and aren't building our lives in the direction we want—for ourselves. And from there comes the feeling of being trapped in the relationship.

Desire versus Role

There is a simple yet profound split happening here. Desire moves from the inside out, from you toward life. Role moves from the outside in, as a reaction to your environment. When you live through roles, you lose touch with yourself and no longer know what is yours. And that's why the answer “I don't know” comes up.

But “I don't know” isn't the end; it's the beginning. If someone really doesn't know what they want, a good first step is to see what they don't want. What drains them, what bothers them, what suffocates them, where they feel empty or used up. Those are already clear signals. Through that, space slowly begins to clear, and only then can something real emerge. Desire isn't created by force; it reveals itself when you remove everything that isn't yours.

Starting from the body when there is no clarity

When you're out of touch with your desires, it's often easiest to start with the body. The body never lies. It immediately shows where you're out of balance, where you're tired, tense, lacking energy, or disconnected from yourself. If the body is neglected, inactive, or chronically exhausted, it directly affects the subconscious. It sends a signal that there's no movement, no strength, no self-confidence.

Such a state of the body also creates a certain energy field – heavier, slower, more closed. In that field, it's very difficult to feel inspiration or clarity. The mind then takes over and repeats the same patterns, and the person becomes even more lost. That's why movement, physical activity, and strength in the body aren't just “health,” but the foundation for mental and inner clarity. When the body comes alive, a sense of self begins to awaken. And from that, true desire emerges much more easily.

Returning to yourself as the beginning of life

That's why the most important thing is to bring yourself back to yourself. Not through philosophy, but through simple questions and presence. Just you, without them, without roles. What do you feel, what do you need, what's pulling you. At first there will be silence and discomfort, but that's normal. It means that for the first time in a long time, space is opening up for something real.

And that's when life begins to change. Not because you've solved others, but because you've returned to yourself. And then we have something to give others: our desires, dreams, and goals. And others finally see who we are; we help them most with our vibration and by example—or we hold them back.

Imagine

Sit down and write. Dream. There are literally no obstacles other than those in our minds. I know we have plenty of excuses, but action shouldn't depend solely on feelings. The mind is like a child—it demands care, but letting it take the wheel of your life isn't a good idea.