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We've all heard of jealousy and envy. For many people, such emotions are part of everyday experiences in various ways – some feel them, others trigger them in others. The vast majority of people have experienced these emotions in some form. And that's clear to everyone. But what fewer people think about is why such emotions really arise, which of our experiences and beliefs about ourselves lead to these states?
Such emotions easily lead to destruction and self-destruction. They further fuel our lack of faith in our own abilities and shift our focus from our own lives to someone else's. A person who is content with herself and her current life does not become jealous, nor does someone who believes in herself and her abilities become envious. By remaining in such states, we blindly feed the insecurities and traumas that caused these reactions and emotions. On the other hand, someone may outwardly react very positively, taking on the role of a “savior” and suppressing the fear that progress and positive outcomes in other people's lives provoke in them.
In a state of envy, people love to gossip. It allows them to express such emotions, seemingly without consequences. They try to diminish the person they envy in order to elevate themselves in an illusory way. Keep in mind that gossip creates energetic ties through the universal field that connects us all, and we absorb the qualities of the person we gossip about. We become what we gossip about. We should protect ourselves from this by stopping gossip and through introspection. Gossiping is toxic because it shows a lack of understanding and empathy for another person's journey. And for us, it shows a dependency on comparison and validation from others.
Paradoxically, we actually like the person we're envious of. We want what they have, but we don't have it, or we feel powerless to obtain it. Instead of carrying our own toxic burden of envy, which shows up as a sickly green in our aura, we can always communicate openly and learn from the person who has the result we want. How did you do it? Teach me. That will destroy envy and allow us to connect with the person and find inspiration.
As human beings, we have two basic needs from which all others branch off: to love and to be loved. A lack of these in life, or the perception that we lack them, provokes fear. We have no connection with others; we are unable to share in community. We feel alone with our burdens.
Fear can also be, for example, “time is running out,” and there's the question of whether they'll have the time for themselves to devote to something they truly want, to live for themselves instead of for others.
Both types of underreaction conceal a lack of self-confidence. The real question is: where does such an attitude about oneself come from? What experiences led to it? Was I criticized? What needs to change so we can let go of the limitations we impose on ourselves to avoid being exposed again to criticism, failure, and similar experiences?
In working with clients, especially when addressing the primary relationships that shaped our survival patterns in early, even prenatal, life, I see that there are limitations we ourselves feed—usually unconsciously—as a survival mechanism that lives on its own and pulls our strings.
For example, a person causes and creates negative states for themselves because that's how they could get their parents' attention in early childhood, when we were completely dependent on them. However, in adulthood this pattern becomes problematic because the person undermines themselves as soon as they try to move forward positively in life, and the lack of positive momentum in their own life—living in stagnation—can provoke envy toward those who do.
Part of it is unconsciously clinging to our comfort zone and not allowing ourselves to step outside the “frames” we've grown accustomed to and through which we've defined ourselves—or allowed others to define us. Stepping outside such frames isn't easy, mostly because of the fear that we'll lose ourselves. But by staying in them, we agree to live a life in which inspiration and enthusiasm are lost more and more each day, and whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we slip into a state akin to autopilot. So how could we not react negatively in a state that is a mere imitation of life when we see someone dare to step outside the box, while we carefully guard our own limiting ones? The problems that plague us are usually not external to us, but honesty with ourselves is the first step toward change.
Sometimes our old, worn-out perspectives keep us in the past, like in a prison, even though we feel something needs to break out and pull us forward. Accustomed to the limits we've lived in—the only ones we know—we remain in that prison and wonder what's wrong with us and our lives? Why do changes happen for some people, while for us everything stays the same and we have to put in far more effort for any change to occur? And again, when it does happen, we don't enjoy it but instead ask ourselves, "What's next?" Being forced isn't natural, nor are limitations. These are patterns we learn. But how do we change that? Change begins with a decision, and our experience is that through deep, energetically subtle work on inner changes, we open ourselves to change here and now in the physical realm. We open space for inspiration and ideas for movement in our own lives, and in such a state, there is no room for envy or jealousy.
For what are envy and jealousy if not a reflection of our limitations and the resulting frustration of that image?
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